Friday, September 3, 2010

Naked Linemen, Pot for Cab Fare, and Gay Sheep. Or, What the Hell is Going on in Corvallis?

Last week I was out in Oregon, visiting Mom & Dad, and there was an article in the Oregonian about an Oregon State football player being dismissed from the football team. I know, players are kicked off teams every day. But this one was, well, special.

‘Tyler Patrick Thomas, 19, of Kalispell, Mont., was arrested on charges of first-degree criminal trespass, second-degree criminal mischief and resisting arrest. According to information from the Corvallis Police Department, at about 4:51 a.m., police were called to 519 N.W. 14th Street after a 32-year-old woman reported there was a naked man in the upstairs office of her residence. When officers arrived, they ordered him to get on the ground several times, but he refused.Then Thomas, who had reportedly been drinking, got into a "three-point stance" and lunged at the officers, who Tased him.’

I’ll say this, if you’re going to get arrested and kicked off the team, getting Tased while naked in a three point stance is the way to go. Why leave any doubt about your future status at the University? Go big, or go home, right?

That being said, this might not even be the strangest pre-dismissal behavior of football players at Oregon State. From 2005…

'Jimtavis Walker, a transfer from Florida who was expected to be the Beavers' starting tailback in the fall, and Star Paddock, a walk-on deep snapper, were arrested at the apartment of 2 other OSU football players, for what started as a dispute with a taxi driver over a $14 fare. According to the police report, the incident occurred at 2:52 a.m.

The taxi driver, an OSU student who declined to give his name because he said he feared for his safety, said Walker offered him marijuana as payment for the cab ride after the players initially tried to give him food as payment. The cab driver said Walker had what appeared to be "a sandwich bag full of pot."

"It was obvious they had been drinking, and they were quite unruly," the driver said, adding that Walker threw a hamburger at him after the players left the cab. The driver said that after Walker berated him, Walker "lit up a joint."

"Bottom line, these guys didn't pay for a taxi ride and it sort of got out of hand," police captain Jon Sassaman said.' Gee, ya think?

And finally, the greatest arrest in the history of College Football Player arrests…

‘Oregon State player caught drunk with gay sheep’

'Beaver defensive tackle Ben Siegert was arrested this past week for DUI. A starter for the Beavers, Siegert blew a 0.14 blood alcohol level some 90 minutes after being arrested. During the traffic stop, he was found to be in possession of a ram from the university's Sheep Center. A Benton County Sheriff's deputy found the animal in the bed of a pickup after pulling Siegert over for speeding on Southwest Whiteside Drive about 1:34 a.m.... The ram lives at the research facility on 35th Street near Campus Way and is part of a study on homosexuality in sheep, said Sheep Center manager Tom Nichols.'

This, naturally brings up the following question. How can we conclusively prove the sheep was gay? And why should that be a matter of public knowledge? If the Oregon State University administration doesn’t allow the US Army on campus because of their discriminatory ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ policy, why should this poor, defenseless, farm animal not be afforded the same protections.

Oh, and come to think of it. Is it just me, or is it a little funny that Oregon State has something called a 'Sheep Center'?

Only in Corvallis. Where men are men, and sheep are nervous. REALLY nervous.

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